Rough sex turns out to be one of the most common things people fantasize about. Most people—regardless of gender and sexual orientation—appear to have been turned on by the idea at some point.
The widespread appeal of rough sex can also be seen in people’s porn viewing habits. For example, when you look at the most-viewed genres on Pornhub, “rough sex” and “hardcore” pretty consistently appear in the top third of categories. Interestingly, women are even more likely to view this kind of porn than are men.
A recent study found that just over half of the participants said they had engaged in rough sex. The most frequently reported rough sex behaviors including scratching, spanking, pushing, name calling, tearing clothes, tying up, blindfolding, and slapping.
Women Said That They Orgasm Much Faster When They Have Rough Sex
The authors of that study talk about these behaviors as “playful force” rather than as abuse or violence. Keep in mind that these are consensual behaviors that occurred in the context of a long-term relationship and rarely (less than 1% of the time) resulted in any kind of injury. We aren’t talking about behaviors where people truly wanted or tried to hurt a partner (and sometimes used as a defense when there is criminal injury or death).
In fact, people seem to really be enjoying this kind of sex. When asked to compare how rough sex differs from “typical sex,” both men and women said that orgasms are more frequent and intense, partners make more effort to satisfy one another, the sex is more arousing, and the thrusting is more vigorous.
Plus, women said that they orgasm much faster when they have rough sex. Given that there’s already a fairly big disparity in how long it takes men and women to reach orgasm (5-6 minutes vs 13 minutes), perhaps this is one reason rough sex is so widely desired and why women search for it more than men when viewing porn: rough sex just might help to close the orgasm gap.
Among the most common triggers for trying rough sex were trying something new, boredom, and playing out a fantasy. This tells us that rough sex is often just about feeding our need for sexual novelty. Humans—men and women alike—have a tendency to grow tired of sexual routines. We need to keep mixing things up in order to maintain sexual excitement
Another common trigger, especially among men, was having been separated from one’s partner, as well as suspecting that one’s partner may have cheated. It leads men to engage in sexual behaviors—like deep and vigorous thrusting—aimed at displacing any semen that may have been deposited by rival men so that their own sperm has a better shot at fertilization.
Drinking alcohol was another common trigger, which makes sense given that alcohol simultaneously lowers sexual inhibitions and dulls sexual sensations. This combination of factors ups the odds of trying something you might not otherwise do while sober.
Another major set of triggers included situations where people were already in a heightened state of physical arousal, such as after a fight, being angry at one’s partner, or having just exercised. If your body is already amped up at the start of a sexual encounter, that’s going to increase the likelihood of pursuing a more active and intense experience.
The key thing to take away from this is that rough sex appears to be a normal sexual behavior for many. We need to be very careful to distinguish it from sexual violence and relationship abuse. Rough sex is not exploitative—it is consensual and the people who have it report it as providing an intense and mutually enjoyable experience.