Image from the Lovers’ Guide Video Download: Sexual Positions
My sex problem: When I have sex with my man, I like to ride him. Why? Because that’s the only way I have had an orgasm. I want to know how he can give me an orgasm without playing out that position.
This has been the first person I have ever had an orgasm with! I just actually felt and knew what an orgasm was about 1 year ago. Ever since I have wanted that position because that orgasm feels really good!
What can I or he do?
The Lovers’ Guide replies:
First off, we don’t see that you have a sex problem at all. It’s great that you find you can orgasm so readily by being on top. You are certainly not alone in that – given that these are positions providing maximum stimulation of the clitoris. Woman on top positions allow you to grind your clitoris between the pubic bones of you and your partner. They also let you enjoy being the one in control (which can be a big psychological turn on: “I am woman – hear me roar!”), the one to set the pace and find the angles that are just right for you.
If you do want to expand your repertoire to other sex positions – finding ones which also allow for lots of friction – it would be good to start with what you do and how you feel when you are on top. One clear way forward is to focus on what’s really doing it for you when you are on top, then try to replicate that in other sex positions. You could start on top and then flip over and switch sex positions – and keep telling him what works.
Man-on-top sex positions don’t need to be passive for the woman. You can still share control – and that might be important for you and your ability to reach orgasm. Push back, pull him in, go for angles which allow for deeper penetration, depth also being generally a great turn-on in woman-on-top sex positions. We offer all sorts of advice about this in the sex positions section of the site.
That said, depth while having sex isn’t everything. It could be that you’ll discover those orgasms rooted within the vagina – in which case you’re one of the lucky 25% of women who experience female orgasm through vaginal sex. If not – or as well – try ensuring plenty of stimulation is being given to the clitoris. The more you explore where your sexual pleasures come from, the more such pleasures you’ll have.
Try having your orgasm before you have penetrative sex, by indulging in great foreplay/sex-play and letting your mind and your fantasies run wild. He can give you oral sex or you can masturbate. Use a toy such as a vibrator, or rabbit vibrator, and show him how you’d like him to use the vibrator on you. This can help him to understand what you like – and help him share in confidence about what’s right for you. Maybe edge to the brink your orgasm then get him to penetrate. Encourage him to push up and grind with his pubic bone on your clitoris while he’s thrusting into you whatever position you are in.
Of course, it could also be that your partner needs training. Is he confident in bed? How sexually experienced? We’re sure he wants to please. So reassure him and work together to explore ways in which he can do it for you. We’ll bet he’ll appreciate the training – though make sure to take the pressure to perform is off and you are both are happy to embark on an adventure in exploration that you take part in together.
Good luck!