What do you do if, as a heterosexual man, you really, really, really want anal sex, and the women you’ve had in your life have not wanted to be on the receiving end? Can anal sex really be that important? Advice is given.
‘Surely it can’t be that bizarrely kinky to want heterosexual anal? It’s something that has just always been part of what I wanted to do since I first had sex (16). Now I am in my late thirties and partially blame my lack of commitment to any of my girlfriends in that none of them have ever allowed me to have anal sex. I know that the stats are low for women who do this – but you’d think at least one of the twenty or so that I’ve been to bed with would go for it. She would be my one! I suppose the question is, should I give up on wanting to have at least some outlet for this urge in a partner or give up and try to leave it as an unfulfilled fantasy and just look for someone to settle down to a life of front-end with?’
Our reply:
Given that you’ve never actually tried this, you might want to give it a go before deciding if this really is the deal-maker or breaker. Have you tried asking around online? Have you considered paying for it? It seems unlikely that if you really go hunting for anal in earnest you’ll find no-one up for a spot of non-committal play. And at that point, it may be you’ll have got it out of your system – it may be better in your fantasies than real life could possibly match up to – or at least you’ll know that you’re sacrificing your long term happiness, your psychological and emotional wellbeing, for something really earth-shatteringly important. Erm, not.
Seriously, if this is a priority for you, then this is something you put on the table before you get to the boyfriend-girlfriend stage. Ask if she’s game the first time when you’re having sex, then if she’s not up for it you can knock things on the head right then and there – well, finish having sex and being polite about it first – and move on to the next girl. (If you’re speed-dating or checking out the goods online, you don’t even need to bother having sex first to find out if she’s into anal. Isn’t modernity wonderful!)
And more seriously still, are you really saying this is a real reason for your lack of commitment to any of your girlfriends? It sounds awfully like you’re making excuses here. To most men, it’s a joke that their girlfriends don’t do anal. As stock comedy fodder goes, it’s up there with the mother-in-law. True, the ubiquity of the joke does acknowledge that of the fantasy. But honestly. Really. Purlease. There’s life and then there’s fantasy. Get a life!!
So anyway, you’re being ridiculous. Yes, we all have our little fetishes and life can be just peachy when there’s kink in the works. That kink is an extra. And for as long as you’re so glibly dismissive of what you’re calling ‘front-end’ you’re probably best kept at arm’s length by most women.
Seek and you shall find – and be careful what you wish for.