Anal sex shouldn’t be painful, assuming you do not wish to experience pain. If it does hurt, there are a number of things which might be going wrong, most of which can dealt with.
- Are you using enough lube? A degree of friction can feel pleasant, though isn’t the safest way of using condoms, but insufficient lubrication can mean sex hurts – which also means you’ll probably clench, this leading to further pain. If in doubt, use a lot more lube.
- Are you sufficiently relaxed when your partner enters you? Have you or he ‘warmed up’ your anus before hand – using his tongue or your (plural) hands. Spend a good few minutes, at least, on anal foreplay before penetration.
- Do you have a problem with your anus or bowels such as hemorrhoids (piles) or irritable bowel syndrome. If so, have a check up at the doctors’. Extra lubrication, again, can help.
- Does he have a super-size penis? It is profoundly unlikely you won’t be able physically to cope, but do take penetration slowly.
- Do you really want to have sex with this person? If you don’t, you won’t be fully relaxed and at ease – able to open up, literally and emotionally, with him. It could be that this is the wrong person, or that it’s sex too soon.
- Can you express your mounting sensations and feelings as sex progresses? Don’t be afraid of making noise during sex, rather than resist it – which resistance can tend to switch you to the flip-side from pleasure to pain.
One last tip: on entry, push slightly against his penis, as if you’re pushing it away with your anus. It may seem counter-intuitive but it works.