A question: ‘I’m fairly sure I have a big enough penis – well, it’s seven and a bit inches from where I like to measure it, and it feels pretty girthy to me – but I don’t seem to be able to make my girlfriends have an orgasm when we’re having sex. I’ve tried the loads of the foreplay thing, tried some sex positions, and I’ve tried giving them an orgasm first, etc, etc. I want to cum together when we’re having sex. Is there some position I could use to make this happen?’
Our reply:
Well, yes and no. Let’s please remember the golden rule here: we’re not in the business of ‘making’ someone have an orgasm – though we can certainly help. And as for experiencing simultaneous orgasm during sex, that’s usually a nice idea rather more than it’s practical reality. That said, you can choose and use sex positions to do more to please her and to help her experience orgasm, this with the foreplay, or sex play (it doesn’t need to be before you have intercourse), you say you’re already savvy with.
Now, you’re mentioning ‘girlfriends’ plural, and whether this is serial monogamy or you have some quite friendly acquaintance, your love technique isn’t quite doing it in your eyes for any of them. We’ve still got to bear in mind here that every woman is different, and different sex positions will appeal to different women at different times, but here’s a selection of pointers to work on while you’re having sex.
Penis size aside, and it sounds like you’ve nothing to complain about, external clitoral stimulation is your and your partner’s best bet in terms of experiencing orgasm while having sex. Use variations of the missionary position in which you ride forward and grind with your pubic bone against the clitoris – and this can be thrusting your penis or moving, in the CAT position, in a figure of eight. Give your partner loads of friction when you’re having sex and, when she’s really aroused, keep it steady. (A lot of women really appreciate consistency – so if you’re switching positions around every minute or so, you might be hindering their orgasm.)
In rear-entry sex positions, such as doggy-style or spoons, you’ll obviously not be providing much in the way of (external) clitoral stimulation with your penis. (We say ‘external’ because you will be stimulating, through the vaginal wall, the parts of the clitoris that extend inwards, including those associated with the G spot.) Having sex in these positions, you can use your hands to help pleasure your partner, or she can masturbate herself or use a sex toy to build her arousal. Encourage her to do this – to take charge of her orgasm and please herself in exactly the ways she likes. This can combine really well with the deep stimulation rear-entry sex positions are great for. It takes two!
Lastly, a lot of women really get off on being much more active during sex than traditional ideas about the missionary position might have it. Of course, women can be really active with the man on top, but it can be a lot easier for a woman to let herself go and be active when she’s the one riding her man. Try the cowgirl or the reverse cowgirl position. Thrust upwards when she’s on top of you – great for her just as it is for you when she pushes upwards when you’re on top. By sharing control in this way you can both become less inhibited and get more of what you both want from sex. You’ll prolong sex and make it more of a shared adventure, tuning in to each other’s arousal – perhaps even to the point where that ‘holy grail’ of simultaneous orgasm becomes an occasional reality, but let’s not worry so much if not. (If you’re within a few minutes of each other, you’re doing good!)