Generally, mentioning to someone that you would be interested in partaking in bondage with someone, can tend to send them screaming for the door – or edging slightly nervously around on their seat.
This is predominantly due to the stereotypes that exist of sadistic men in gimp masks, or submissive women being trussed up on a rack. Not exactly inviting for those who might be interesting and certainly nothing that will help dispel the myths for those who think it is just that.
Fortunately, bondage comes in many forms and it is just as natural in a lesbian relationship as it is in any other. It works from varying degrees and can cover many aspects of sexual activity.
However, no matter how fluid and definable bondage is, there is actually one common theme that should be recognised at all times, and that’s mutual respect. Bondage cannot exist if there is no respect in the relationship. It can be a fine line if there is a lack of respect and understanding between bondage play and a violent relationship, and it is quite common for so-called bondage to develop into something more underhand.
If you are happy that you are in the right place mentally to be subjected to bondage, then talk with your partner about what you expect and what your boundaries are. Once you have discussed this and have reached a happy medium, you can then come up with a codeword that will establish that either of you wishes to stop. This can’t be anything like ‘no’ or ‘stop’ as many people get turned on by using and hearing these words. Use something innocuous and unrelated to sex, but something that is not going to sound ridiculous. As long as you both know what it means and will both act upon it then that is the important thing. Being safe should be a concern for both of you.
Bondage, as defined in the dictionary, is ‘the practice of being physically restrained, as with cords or handcuffs, as a means of attaining sexual gratification’. Obviously, in real terms this works in different ways for different people. Imagination is the key and there isn’t anything you can’t achieve if you really want to!
Bondage can either be something that is planned and contrived (laying out restraints, preparing the bedroom and then inviting your partner in to be submissive) or it can be unplanned and spontaneous (grabbing anything to hand such as stockings, ties and belts to restrain during sex). In actual fact, you don’t always need anything at all. Simply holding your partner down beneath you classes as bondage, or even lying heavily on her so she can’t move works just as well – so long as you remember that she may use the code word at any time and you must respect this.
Be sure at all times that both of you feel confident enough to say if you feel uncomfortable – either mentally or physically. It’s important to remember that while bondage might seem like the perfect sexual fantasy, the reality is that it won’t be how you picture it in your mind. Be prepared for the fact that you might actually feel uncomfortable seeing your girlfriend bound and/or gagged and that she may find that it is by no means as exciting as she first thought it would be.
The key is to start off small – introducing new items or ideas as you go, step by step, as both of you are comfortable with it. During sex, particularly if you are using a strap-on, try holding her down at the wrists by pulling them over her head. You will find that you will naturally push deeper into her as you do this, so the sensation for her should be two-fold. Encourage her to push against you and see what the reaction is. This way you can gauge how you think she – and you – will react to the next step.
As time passes and you feel more comfortable, you will be happier with tying each other up. You’ll begin to use things that turn each other on. Your knickers can add extra passion as they have been worn before you start having sex, which gives it that extra dimension. It’s just the same with stockings, tights and bras. Used imaginatively, you can have a lot of fun.
A good game to play would be one of you tying the other up, and then seeing how long it takes for the other to get free whilst you are having sex with them. The struggle always causes sexual friction and can increase the passion.
Although being physically restrained is popular, there is also the opportunity to create the same feeling of restriction simply by using the voice. Oral bondage can be just as effective in helping someone reaching orgasm, and many women will say that their partners can actually make them orgasm without actually touching them, and just using the power of their voice – and by this, we don’t mean volume, simply using a different tone, lowering an octave or being more clipped can produce some fantastic results with the right commands.
Bondage is, in essence, all about exercising control – which can be done in many ways, so let your mind wander and see what you can come up with. You’ll be surprised at the results and probably be surprised by how you react to it, but don’t think there is anything wrong with you – it’s just like any other part of a sexual encounter.
As you can see, there is actually more to bondage than first meets the eye. It is definitely something that can occur between two loving, consenting adults. It’s not perverse and it’s not violent; it is merely another string to add to your sexually diverse bow! Remember the golden rule of respect, make sure you talk about it and enjoy it. It could become a fun and enjoyable part of your repertoire!