Image from the Lovers’ Guide video download Sex Play
What makes a good lover? Sexual happiness depends on more than technical ability. The good lover is confident in their own sexuality but, just as important, they have the ability to make their partner feel good about themselves – sexy and responsive.
The best sexual relationships are equal, so that neither partner has to feign enjoyment or enthusiasm and both have a real affection for each other that makes them able to satisfy each other’s emotional as well as sexual needs. Finally, there is no substitute for sexual chemistry. No one can explain it, but a relationship without it is like a salad with no dressing.
Attraction and affection
Lovemaking should be sensual as well as sexual. Foreplay is important because it’s the way both partners express their sensuality and delight in each other’s bodies. Use touch to show affection as well as to ask for sex. Remember, too, that after sex a man tends to feel all his needs have been satisfied; a woman’s need for affection is often intensified by sex. For her, afterplay – a hug, a cuddle, a few intimate words – is as important as foreplay. Some of the joy of sex is lost if her partner simply rolls over and goes to sleep.
Involvement and enthusiasm
Don’t be afraid to show that you like sex. Sex should never be something that is ‘done’ by one partner to the other, either performed or received as a duty and not for your mutual pleasure. Unless most of the time you are both equally involved, or equally responsive, why bother?
Although traditionally the man is usually the one to initiate sex, nearly every man appreciates a woman who does not always wait for him to make the first move, but can show her enthusiasm by seducing her partner occasionally, asking him to lie back and enjoy being caressed while she rides him on top.
Imagination and innovation
One way to keep a sexual relationship exciting is to explore a range of sexual activities. Use your imagination to introduce variety into your sex life. A different time, or place, or position , music to make love to, sexy underwear, champagne in bed – if sex is beginning to feel boring there are innumerable ways to spice it up. Make time for sex so that there is no need to rush. Pause every now and then and let your arousal wane, perhaps talk for a while and have a glass of wine, and then have all the pleasure of arousing each other all over again.
Let your instincts guide you; not everything you try will feel right for you. If something feels ridiculous, remember, sex is a laughing matter, but the joke is always shared.
Resistance to innovation
At the time of the Kinsey report in 1953, fewer than half the women interviewed had ever had sex in anything but the missionary position. Couples now are generally much more innovative, but many people are still resistant to change, sometimes because they feel anything that isn’t ‘normal’ (i.e. what they are used to) is wrong, or because they feel embarrassed about looking or feeling ridiculous if they try anything new. Don’t approach a new sexual activity as a challenge, it’s meant to be a pleasure and if you don’t both enjoy it, drop it. And remember that most human sexual activity is reassuringly ordinary. Anything too unusual or acrobatic is usually also too uncomfortable for most people to enjoy.
Something for this weekend…
And all the others! If you’re ready to move away from the ordinary, why not try a sex toy from our sex toy shop partner Lovehoney – and explore our Lovers’ Guide video downloads – click here.