Has sex gone stale? Follow these simple tips to spice up your sex life.
Most of us understand romance to imply attentiveness, consideration and sensuality in a lover. It conjures up images of being in love when a relationship is new, fresh and exciting. The feelings it creates can be exquisitely insane or they may be agonizing and depressing.
The importance of romance
Most people who are in a long-term relationship wistfully remember the first days of their courtship. And why not? That was the time when they yearned to be together all the time. Absences were agonizing and the sex – whatever it may have lacked in finesse – was as frequent as the couples could manage.
The early feelings we have for our partners are indispensable. For most people, they are the basis on which they choose to form their relationships. The love they feel may be the vital ingredient, but that in itself is often a direct result of this early romantic behaviour.
When romance goes
Unfortunately, romantic behaviour disappears all too quickly in most long-term relationships.
This is not necessarily a bad thing. Most relationships are unable to withstand the dreamy, almost unreal quality on a permanent basis. And as a relationship progresses, the romantic qualities are replaced by something better.
From time to time
In an ideal world, the climate would continue to be one where romantic love-making goes on all the time. For most of us, however, the practicalities of life, not least our children, mean that we cannot continue in that vein, but the effort made to restore some romance into our relationship will be amply rewarded.
For the women, it means being treated as someone who is cosseted and prized. For the man, it revives his ideas of his masculinity, making him feel himself to be someone who is both loved and desired.
For both, a return to romance means a return to more loving behaviour, and more frequent, better sex.
Act romantically
In a long-term relationship, keeping romance alive can present difficulties after the first flush of enthusiasm.
Yet the couple who are in tune with one another should be able readily to recall the emotions and actions they used when they first started courting. The familiarity that now exists can be used to good effect. All that is needed is thought and imagination.
Practise the art of surprise. This need not be confined to gifts such as flowers or the occasional present. A meal at a restaurant, or just a specially cooked meal at home, can provide the right atmosphere for love. Candles, a favourite piece of music and a bottle of wine are a good idea for any pair of lovers to set the tone for the evening.
Dress up from time to time. For a man, to see his partner dressed sexily is not just a turn-on; it is flattering as well. It does not have to be overtly sexy, but most men are susceptible to the idea that a woman has dressed specifically for them. For a woman, her man making an effort to look good is a compliment.
Act like lovers. Telephone one another from time to time just to say, ‘I love you.’ Show affection to each other in public. Even something as simple as taking your partner’s hand can turn a walk into a romantic episode.
Try to recapture the mood of your early courtship. This means finding more time to spend together. A short holiday away, even a day out, or perhaps revisiting places that were particularly memorable, can be a real tonic.
Always remember birthdays and anniversaries. It is not so much the present that counts, but the fact that you remember. If possible, celebrate them with a meal or an outing.
Be more considerate. Try acting more selflessly – placing a towel on a radiator before your partner has a bath, or bringing an unexpected cup of tea in the morning, are both thoughtful acts.
Share activities more. Domestic chores or shared hobbies and sports can be romantic in the right setting. Even painting and decorating can be a shared experience between two lovers if the mood is right.
Touch more. Holding hands or a touch on the shoulder does not need to have any sexual meaning and can often say ‘I love you’ as fluently as words.
Kiss and cuddle more. Do not be afraid to show each other affection – wherever you may be.
Find new places to make love. Almost any room can be romantic for making love if the mood is right. But do not confine yourself to indoors, Experiment elsewhere.
Making love all day
A couple who have been together for any length of time know each other’s likes and dislikes and they know exactly what turns the other person on.
Although it is all too easy to fall into the routine of doing only what you know your partner likes, sex and lovemaking can be much more fun – and more romantic – if both partners continue to explore each other’s likes and dislikes, lingering over them, rather than hurrying.
Preparing to love
A long, warm bath together always acts as a wonderful prelude to lovemaking – and a romantic alternative to bathing together is for each partner to bathe the other, soaping them down gently, but leaving the most sensitive of their erogenous zones until last.
Romantic loving – him for her
For the man who really wants to go to town, take lighted candles into the bathroom to provide sensual lighting. Prepare the room you intend to make love in beforehand, making sure that it is warm enough and perhaps leaving two glasses of wine by the bed.
Add fragrant oils to the bath as you run the water. Then take your partner into the bathroom and slowly undress her and wash her sensually all over, using plenty of lathery soap.
When you are finished, dry her down thoroughly with a warmed towel, paying loving attention to all of her body from her hands and toes to her breasts and bottom. Continue to compliment her, and tell her what you intend to do with her later in the evening.
Make love
When she is dry, pick her up and carry her to the bedroom, or wherever you have chosen to make love. If you have provided a bottle of wine, pause while you both take a sip – but not for long.
Kissing, cuddling and prolonged foreplay were habits learned early in courtship, so kiss her all over her body. Then, with her skin tingling form the effects of the bath, apply massage oil all over her body.
Explore her body
Oral sex is often considered the greatest compliment a lover can pay.
When the oil has been massaged all over her, lay her back and find a position that is comfortable for you. Use your tongue on her clitoris with slow strokes, moving rhythmically the way you both know she likes best.
Sex positions
Any sex position that allows a couple to gaze at each other and kiss and touch can be romantic. For the man who is spoiling his partner, any of the man-on-top positions are suitable. They allow the man to feel he is in control and he can see and gauge his partner’s reactions as they make love.
With your partner lying back on the bed, part her legs gently and enter her. Start off with short, shallow strokes and move slowly at first. Tell her what you want to do and how you want to bring her to orgasm.
Romantic loving – her for him
Most men love to be bathed. Because your body will be such a turn-on for him, wear as little as possible – a pair of panties, and nothing else. Then undress him, pampering him like a baby. When he is lying in the bath, dangle your breasts over him for a moment, but do not let him touch them. Wash him all over, lather the soap over him, lingering erotically over his penis and his testicles, using soft, upwards strokes.
In bed
Most men find oral sex irresistable – yet it can be romantic for the woman as well as she brings her man to the verge of orgasm, or if the man comes inside her mouth.
Many men like to know beforehand what is going to happen, so telll him in detail what you are going to do.
Tell him that you are going to nibble his testicles and then lick along the underside of his penis before you take it in your mouth.
Position yourself comfortably so that he can see what you are doing to him. Then, alternate between just using your mouth and holding the root of his penis with your hand and sucking it with short, firm strokes.