Image from the Lovers’ Guide video download Satisfaction Guaranteed – 7 Secrets
Better sex? It’s just a matter of getting down to it, right? But if you are interested in creating a more sexy-sensual build-up, whether with a new partner or in a long-term relationship, you can do a lot to make sex better before slipping between the sheets. This goes way beyond foreplay, essential though that be for, especially, a woman’s arousal. Throughout the day, arouse your partner – and yourself. And to define ‘arouse’, we mean to build anticipation, and self-love; for you and your partner to be thinking of yourselves and each other sensually, sexily.
How to arouse a man – and to arouse a woman
First off, hint at sex long before you have it. While spontaneity is often praised, creating some sexual tension well before you hit the bedroom can make for a more exciting encounter. Plenty of time (all day) for anticipation will have major pay off in building desire.
Give your partner a lingering kiss in the morning, send a flirtatious text during the day and make a suggestive wink when s/he walks in the door. Messages that indicate sex is on horizon give time for your imagination to wander and your body to get warmed up. Think of and communicate those times when you’ve had the best sex. If this is a new sexual relationship, share what you might like to explore when having sex – and encourage your partner to tell you what s/he enjoys sexually.
How to arouse yourself
Before having sex, give a little time to what makes you feel sexier and confident in yourself. Maybe this can be as simple as having a shower, wearing underwear you feel confident in, or are there songs that arouse you? Are there scents that arouse? A woman or man can feel taken to a sensual place with perfume – or perhaps with essential oils. Words that arouse you might be the words you’d like to say – or which your partner has said to you while you’ve been having sex. And we can say, ‘Yes! Porn! Please!’ or better a Lovers’ Guide video. These sexy cues that make you feel attractive will put you in a more sexual headspace.
Brain sex
For women especially, sex begins in the mind. The brain is the more powerful sexual organ than genitalia, because it’s where sex drive stems from. Reading erotica or visually imagining sex play will do wonders to heighten senses in preparation for sex. You can pepper imagination sessions throughout your day in the hours leading up to sex.
We’re seeing evidence that mindfulness can help increase our attention and focus on pleasurable sexual sensations. This leads to better, more satisfying sex. You’re going to enjoy sex a whole lot less if you’re thinking about everything you need to get done. So if you feel things piling up on you, make a list of what needs to get done and then put that list off to the side so you can focus on enjoying sex. You can take that list up later.
Safe sex is important with a new partner – i.e. protection. For men, have condoms ready to go before you get busy so that you’re well prepared. Lube is a bedside essential that should remain within arm’s reach.
Define ‘arouse’ – create a sex-space – for lovemaking
Thoughtful touches to your environment help set the mood. Maybe it’s a favourite playlist, dimmer lighting, candles or scents, all of which can enhance the experience.
One major thing to keep in mind: most women need about twenty minutes for their bodies to be fully prepared for penetrative sex. This means that taking plenty of time to enjoy lots of foreplay will go a long way in providing both partners with a better sex experience.
Undressing each other piece by piece — giving each other’s body kisses along the way — is a great way to get to know your partner’s body and sets a sensual tone. Try erotic massage. Use hands and tongue to help a female partner reach orgasm even before penetration. Helping her come first ensures satisfaction.
Don’t rush in the heat of the moment. Slow it way down. Then you’ll be more than ready for the main event. Enjoy!