Sometimes there is only time for quickie sex – morning glory when you have to get off to work; you’re dressing together for a dinner party and can’t do without an erotic appetizer; you’re in the restroom of someone else’s house/in a plane/on a train. Just going for it can be incredibly horny. Though men are in general known to get to orgasm far faster than women – when it’s short and hot enough women can hit their climax in super-quick time, too.
Find time for slow sex
But, but – there are times when there are no time pressures – when it’s a Sunday morning, when you’re on holiday or when you have some time for lazy afternoon delight together. These are great times to indulge each other in the pleasure of slow sex. You can take the time for lingering over every moment of pleasuring your partner and get the opportunity to relish every morsel of the pleasure.
The most powerful sexual organ is actually the brain; the biggest is the skin – all of it. When you go for slower sex, there is more time for your brain to savor the experience of every sensual feeling. More sex hormones are released into the bloodstream – with men achieving firmer erections and women becoming more lubricated and receptive for intercourse. Taking your time allows you to give and receive a whole symphony of sights, smells, touches and tastes – that you miss when you go for a short, sharp rush to the finish.
Start with lingering kisses
Most sexual encounters begin with kisses. It is a vastly engaging activity that is often overlooked – and underused – once relationships are established. In fact, when things go wrong between lovers, it is often the kissing that stops before the sex does. Work on becoming a great kisser! Don’t be wet or slobbery but begin light and gentle, brushing lips across your partner’s. Tease by kissing other parts of your lover’s face. Build up to strong, full-on lips-on-lips action. Be sensitive to if, when and how you put your tongue into their mouth.
Use your eyes
Many people kiss with their eyes closed. But it can be very arousing to add in sustained eye contact – allowing yourselves to connect through those windows to the soul. Gazing at your lover will deepen the intensity of the connection between you. That alone can help trigger greater sexual arousal as the subconscious begins its own response.
How and where we look at our lover should make it clear how much we adore their body. If you begin clothed take time slowly to remove each item they are wearing. Try undressing each other. If you can carry it off, you could learn to strip erotically to arouse your lover – or make that playful to counter it appearing hopelessly awkward. Remember that you do not have to remove all your clothes to make love – both men and women can find it highly erotic to retain a sexy undergarment.
The tease of touch
Whether naked or lightly dressed, there is tremendous eroticism to be had by gentle touching or lingering massage. Slow, delicate touching of the skin – and teasing near the erogenous zones can build arousal like nothing else. It is a great skill to be able to buil
d desire in your partner so that they crave you going further. Explore every part of your lover’s body, concentrating on the parts that you know give the most pleasure but try to avoid the genitals until you are both close to wanting intercourse.
Use your own body – your hands, mouth and tongue to provide sensual feelings for your partner. You could go further with the woman using her breasts, nipples or hair to run over the man’s (or female lover’s) body – or the man can similarly use his penis, drawing it gently across the most sensitive parts of his lover’s (male or female) body All the time, though, both should be guided by watching one another’s expressions, noticing their body language and listening to the sounds of their pleasure.
Discover ‘edging’
All of this is luscious foreplay. It’s a misleading word in that it implies it has to happen before something else. Actually, it should be a delicious and rewarding pleasure in its own right – there is no reason why all sex sessions should always end with intercourse. The art of slower sex allows you to build arousal and take your partner to the edge of their climax. And ‘edging’ is the practice of orgasm control which involves bringing yourself or your partner to the edge of orgasm and then stopping just before climax.
Doing this several times not only extends the time of sexual pleasure but actually builds and builds the power of sexual pleasure coursing through the body. It can, of course, involve an exciting amount of power play in that one partner is in control of their lover’s orgasm(s). Make sure you are in tune with your partner when you practice edging to ensure they’re happy with it.
Slower sex allows for much more exploration of each other’s bodies, likes, and expressions than the wham-bam approach – where too often the whole focus of sex is penetration and orgasm. Because men are generally more easily aroused than women – and can reach climax far more quickly and easily – they often rush too quickly into penetration, ignoring in heterosexual relationships the need for a woman to be aroused. Slowing down gives your bodies the chance to fully open up to the full pleasures of arousal and so helps increase both the frequency and intensity of orgasms.
Indeed, slow sex can actually help with sexual dysfunctions – including orgasmic difficulties in women and erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation in men. Taking the pressure off getting to climax and slowing down the whole process of arousal allows all the focus to be on the vast range of sensual responses to be had from non-penetrative sexual activities.
To really take your time in sex look into the whole world of tantric sex – but that’s a whole other story.
As the song says: the way to go is to sex me slow.