Most people have heard of the vaginal orgasm, the clitoral orgasm and the G spot orgasm. However, there’s one type of (primarily) female orgasm that has passed under the radar for most people. Called the psycholagnic orgasm, it’s an orgasm that comes about purely through thinking about sex, whether remembering a previous experience or fantasising about something else altogether. Deemed ‘mental masturbation’, a psycholagnic orgasm happens without any physical stimulation at all.
Given the complexity of female orgasm even with physical stimulation, it’s easy to write off the psycholagnic orgasm as a thing of myth. However, expert Sarah Afshar says, “The individual partaking in psycholagnic sexual activity is placing their mind over matter, using the mind to control the imaginary arousal and to achieve an orgasm. There is no genital connection nor stimulation at all and there is absolutely no friction or body fluid exchanges.”
Given that the mind releases different chemicals when performing different tasks, there’s no reason to doubt that female orgasm is possible purely through thought alone. At the very least, many women can get wet purely through talking about sex, lots of couples find that phone sex is an arousing way to keep things fresh, and the popularity of cybersex shows that there are numerous ways to induce female orgasm.
To see whether you can have a psycholagnic orgasm – and bear in mind, it could take some time to learn the process – set aside an evening to do nothing more than talk to your lover about sex. Let your mind wander and don’t be afraid to share your fantasies – though do start slowly if you’re unsure about whether they have similar fantasies to you. Establish beforehand if there are any words that either of you particularly like or loathe: sometimes, simply using the wrong term to describe genitalia can set female orgasm back a long way so it’s worth being careful.
After you’ve spent at least two hours flirting and sharing sexy talk, you can move on to some physical contact but keep it non-genital: massaging your partner’s body or kissing each other is fine, as long as you avoid the traditional erogenous zones of nipples and genitalia. Continue talking to each other sexily throughout the massage and let yourself picture your lovers’ words as vividly as possible.
Don’t feel that you have to share all your fantasies and sexual thoughts with your partner, but do try to ensure that you only think about sex, in whatever form it most turns you on, throughout the session. Even if you don’t have an orgasm, you’re likely to find yourself feeling more aroused than you have been in quite a while: think back to the days before you first had sex when all you could do is think about it and you’ll get an idea of exactly how steamy it can be.
It’s not just female orgasm that can be enhanced by incorporating psycholagny into your sex life: after all, some men have wet dreams without any physical stimulation at all. However, most psychologists who’ve talked about psycholagny say that it occurs mostly in women so if you’re after a new way to explore female orgasm, it’s certainly worth giving it a go. Let your mind open and your body will follow.