“You’ve got to have a dream, if you don’t have a dream, how you gonna have a dream come true.” So the song goes – and, while plenty of people might be content to leave their fantasies purely in the mind, others would be over the moon if their dream came true.
If you’re one of the latter, what can you do to make it happen? Men and women are likely to respond to different approaches. Here are a few tips.
For him
Men seem to share similar fantasies: a threesome with two women, being dominated, being in control, or having their partner dress up in sexy clothes, be it stockings or a nurse’s uniform. Oral sex and anal sex both seem to be pretty high up there too.
If a man really wants his dream to come true, the golden rule is to ask nicely. Start with a toned down version of your fantasy and, if your partner seems amendable, carry on telling her all the lurid details. If she looks perturbed by your fantasy, stop. It’s not a judgement on you. It’s just that different people like different things. Forcing the matter won’t make her any more likely to live out your fantasy – in fact, it will probably have exactly the opposite effect.
Lots of women will find it erotic to know that you’ve been masturbating about them in a particular scenario. Telling your partner that you’ve been thinking about her lustfully will give you a higher chance of getting what you want. Just make sure that if there are any other women mentioned in your fantasy situation, they pale into insignificance next to her.
Don’t be too demanding. While most women will like the idea of being the ultimate lover and making your dreams come true, it’s no fun if the goalposts keep moving. If you fantasise about playing doctors and nurses and she happily gets dressed up, be grateful. Don’t ask whether she can get her best friend involved next time: you’re more likely to get a slap than to get lucky!
Most importantly, bear in mind that she’s more likely to live out your fantasies if she’s happy with you. Whether that means you doing the washing up, giving her a sensual massage or living out one of her fantasies, treating a woman with respect is by far the most effective way to make sure your dreams come true.
For her
Women’s fantasy lives often seem less predictable than men’s. Indeed, many women – though a mercifully decreasing number – seem to find masturbation is a taboo for them, and close themselves off from exploring their sexuality, fearing their enjoyment of sex is somehow improper.
Approaching your man is really a matter of common sense. Men are often very open and receptive to their loved ones’ fantasies, but don’t fall into the trap of believing that, because he’s “a typical bloke”, he’ll necessarily be up for anything. The thought of being dominated, or of trying anal sex may appeal to many men, but your man may not be one of them. Even the old cliché of a threesome involving your best mate may not get his heart racing. Men are often more romantic than they’re given credit for, and he may well prefer to keep things between just the two of you.
The key to exploring your fantasies is openness. Don’t be afraid to share even your most extreme fantasies with him, but don’t force the issue if he makes it clear that he simply isn’t interested.
It’s very sexy to learn new and surprising things about your lover. You may well find that just discovering the sexy thoughts you’ve been keeping to yourself really gets him going. But also remember that the best sex is all about sharing. Take time to exchange fantasies with him, and you’ll find he has a few naughty secrets of his own.
If you’re lucky, you may be able to combine your fantasies, and in no time you’ll be dressing in that sexy nurse’s costume you never knew he was thinking about, while he helps you experiment with that intriguing toy you’ve had your eye on for months!