Once you are past the heady days at the start of your relationship, when you are both experimenting with each other’s bodies, you may, like most couples, think about experimenting with new ways of making love.
For some this may mean taking their passion to a new venue or involving massage, toys or costumes as a way of invigorating things. However, perhaps the more adventurous will turn to involving new people in their lovemaking.
For most people who are looking to add this new dimension to their intimate lives, inviting a new person to join them in bed can be a wonderful fantasy, which spices up their personal pleasure in the planning. The thought of including an extra handsome man or nubile woman can be extremely erotic, as a fantasy for both of you, involving great foreplay, which involves all three of you, and lovemaking that is as comfortable and pleasurable as you always have with your partner.
The most common reason for wanting to try the ménage a trois is the idea of trying something new, and having more to look at and feel. For most couples this will involve inviting a second woman to join their lovemaking (sexist though this may seem). This third person will provide, for some people, the extra attention that they have always desired when they are making love. Others may be drawn to threesomes because it’s ‘forbidden’, or just because the idea of uninhibited sex without romantic attachment is more exciting than what they are experiencing on a day to day basis.
However, before venturing into making your favourite fantasy a reality, with all the eroticism and excitement that a flight of the imagination always induces, it’s important to consider some of the pitfalls of entering into three-way or group sex.
You or your partner are left out: It is possible that two of the participants will be enjoying each other so intensely that they’ll forget that the third person is even in the room. Just imagine the possibility of seeing your partner pleasuring, or being pleasured by another, without thought of you. It is possible that one of you can be, or simply feel, left out, and this can be a mortifying experience.
You lose respect for your partner: After the experience, it’s possible that she may move from being the “girl I’m going to marry” to the “party girl”. Likewise, he may move from being “the man I want to father my children” to a “sex maniac”. We are basically conditioned to society’s norms, and as such it is difficult for most of us to accept behaviour that falls outside them.
You will have no one to turn to: What you will be doing is something that many of your friends (and your family) will find difficult to understand, and as such you may feel that you have no one to turn to if it does go wrong. Do you think that you will be able to handle that if it happens?
One of you becomes extremely jealous: It is entirely possible if you go through with a threesome that one or both of you will become jealous. It may either be that one of you feels that the other paid too much attention to the invited guest or that the guest paid too much attention to one of you. It may also happen that one of you gets left out of the entire tryst altogether, and will become jealous due to the fact that they were neglected.
Your relationship disintegrates: It’s possible that one of you will start to believe that perhaps there is someone out there who is better suited to your needs… at least sexually speaking.
You may think that you have talked through all these possible problems, and are ready to move ahead with experimenting with a new sexual encounter. What is particularly important at this stage is that both of you are equally aware and keen to move forward. If either of you feels in anyway unsure about what you are about to undertake, whether that be the possible repercussions for your relationship, or the invitation of a third-person into your lives, then the best thing is to stop now.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the person you share your life with, it’s unlikely that things will get easier when someone else joins you, whether that’s a friend or an anonymous other that you have met simply for the purpose.
If you do want to go through with it, make sure the three of you sit down together and talk it through. Discuss the possible outcomes (positive and negative), the issues that could crop up, and what you’ll all do if things go wrong or if one of you starts to feel uncomfortable and unhappy. Make sure you’re clear, open, and communicative from the start and throughout the whole experience.
After you’ve had this conversation and you’ve decided that you do want to go ahead, don’t forget about safe sex. As always, keep your wits about you and be careful if you decide to become intimate with a person, or people, that you don’t really know well. Trust your instincts and don’t take risks with your personal safety. It is important that you are clear about any ground rules from the very beginning, so that there is no possibility of misunderstandings later on.
So, the message is, threesomes and group sex are a wonderful fantasy. For some people they can even add something to their relationship, and it is not uncommon to hear of people who have been involved in “the lifestyle” as swinging is sometimes known, for many years. However, these people tend to be liberal and have a very open view of their relationship. If that can be said for you and your partner, then this may be an option. If you have any doubts, though, it may be something that is better left to your own private fantasies.