With one partner on the large side and the other petite, not all sex positions might be comfortably available. What, though, when sex causes cramp? Advice is given.
‘My husband is pretty overweight. I don’t mind, as I think he is still very sexy, but I am kinda small and not very limber. This hinders sex, because sometimes my thighs will cramp, and we actually have to stop and untangle ourselves (which yeah makes him last longer, but at the same time, it’s kind of a turn-off). I can’t be on top much because of it either, though he loves it when I’m on top, and face it – we all love variety.’
I can’t have him really deep inside me either, or it will hurt, which again causes problems for me to be on top or in any other crazy positions we might want to try. If he gets too deep, it’s a turn-off because of the pain. I’m a wimp; I hate pain.
He really wants to try anal, but I had a guy push his way there (dry) once and it hurt the whole time, even when I tried to relax and attempt enjoyment. Another guy who was smaller actually lubed it up and tried, but I couldn’t bring myself to allow him entrance. Is there a way to get through the pain to make his fantasy come true?? Or a way to make it not hurt so much. We both would love to know.
Our reply:
While the causes of cramps are various – and you might wish to see your doctor for a check-up about this – what’s probably happening is that your leg muscles, which are already contracted in many sex positions because of your flexed knees and pointed toes, are contracting/tensing further as you become more aroused. This obviously limits the number of positions that may currently be available to you cramp-free – to positions in which your legs are kept relatively straight, and being able to flex your feet could also help. Face-to-face, man-on-top positions such as missionary, coital alignment technique (CAT) or ‘legging’ (see the sex positions gallery) could help to avoid cramping, but, yes, you might not think of these as offering much in the way of variety. Women-on-top sex positions may be increase the risk of cramping as you’ll tend to bend at the knees a lot in these positions and also work your muscles a lot more.
You’ll also find that woman-on-top sex, along with rear-entry and the deeper (legs bent) styles of missionary will tend to deepen penetration, so you’ll want to avoid these anyway if deep penetration causes you pain. You don’t mention whether this is the pain of his penis knocking against your cervix, or otherwise. Just how well-endowed is he? If he’s huge – say, eight inches plus – then that’s probably your issue. This may be, though, another case of your clenching/tensing, and your simply not wanting him in deep, for psychological rather than anatomical or medical reasons. It may be that, while the idea of a whole range of adventurous sex positions appeals, in practice you only really want sex that’s gentle.
Sex-aside – because we can only have sex with the bodies we have! – it could be worth thinking of limbering up more generally. Try leg-stretching exercises, perhaps a little before you plan on having sex. If you’ve been exercising, it could be you’re a little dehydrated, over-exerted or your salt-balance is out. Some types of medication can also increase the risks of cramps. When you’re having sex, you might find it helps to switch positions before you cramp, perhaps starting off with more adventurous positions then quietening down. You might also find having an orgasm before you have penetrative sex helps.
Anal sex really isn’t for everyone. You’re initial (unlubed?!!) experiment could be what’s causing you to clench so much now, though. You really don’t want to be trying anal without quite a lot of lube. Before he tries to penetrate you, lubricate a finger and open yourself up. This way, you’ll be in control, so there’ll be less worry of any pain happening because you’ll know it’s your finger, and you can also probe at your own pace. You might find that once you’ve relaxed your anus this way, it’s easier to hand over the control to your partner. Bear in mind, though, you might just not like it.